Previously, on the Pokémon Cosmic Quest Official Website…
[Blacklight]: I heard that you guys were going to talk about Sonic, and I just had to make sure that you got all your facts straight.
[James]: Trust me, I won’t be wrong.
[Blacklight]: Prove it, blue boy.
[James]: (Taunting) Okay then. Obscure Sonic trivia it is. If you want to hear something really ridiculous, Mr. Iizuka, the head of Sonic Team, claims that Sonic takes place in-
[Blacklight]: (Gritting teeth) I swear, if you try to convince me that there are two different worlds…
[James]: I never said I was going to try to convince you. It’s little more than a ridiculous fan theory from someone who happens to matter.
[Blacklight]: Wait…so…you’re not one of those people who blindly believes everything a developer says just because they can abuse their power?
[James]: Of course not! The idea that Sonic splits his time between a human world and an animal world in different games is just plain silly!
[Blacklight]: Hey guys, wanna be on the show over on my website?
[Meowth]: As… tempting… as that offer sounds, we’re way too busy here for that.
[Blacklight]: Too bad, I need one more interview session. James, you grab Meowth. I’ll grab Jessie.
[James]: (Hesitates) Um… How about you just give me a chance to convince them to come of their own free will?
[Blacklight]: Aww, that’s less fun… But I’m holding you to that!
And now, the continuation…
[Blacklight]: And here we are again! Welcome back to Villain Chat! Shadow, do you think you can do it right this time?
[Shadow]: I have no idea who these people are.
[Blacklight]: Well I guess I’ll do it myself. I hope everyone’s prepared for trouble. Please give a warm welcome to our latest guests, Pokémon’s famous Team Rocket Trio, Jessie, Meowth, and my bro, James!
[Blacklight]: So how are we all doing tonight?
[Jessie, James, and Meowth]: Who, what, when, where, why!?
[Shadow]: So they’re from Pokémon? No wonder…
[Blacklight]: Oh, come on, everyone knows Pokémon!
[Shadow]: I don’t watch children’s anime.
[Blacklight]: Yes, of course, you only watch the “mature” anime. Like Sonic X.
[Shadow]: That doesn’t count.
[Jessie]: First off, Pokémon is so much more than a kid’s show. Second, where in the world are we!?
[Blacklight]: You guys said you would be on the show, didn’t you? You didn’t lie to me, did you, James?
[James]: (sweating profusely) … … … …
[Shadow]: We’re being held in a talk show against our will. Just go with it.
[Meowth]: A talk show! I’ll have you know, I’m the talk show host around these parts!
[Blacklight]: Uh, no no. Shadow and I are the only hosts here.
[Eggman]: And me!
[Blacklight and Shadow]: Get out of here, Eggman!
[Meowth]: Do you even know who I am? I’m Meowth, host of the world-famous talk show, Meow we’re Talking!
[Jessie]: Hey! Cut that boo-track out! No one boos Team Rocket!
[Blacklight]: You guys are on my show, now. I make the rules. I don’t play the sound clips, though. Talk to the guy behind the camera about that.
[Mr. C]: (offscreen) Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
[James]: Guys… I think we should listen to him…
[Blacklight]: You see that broken window over there? That’s what happened the first time Eggman didn’t play by the rules.
[Eggman]: (through window) I highly recommend following orders.
[Jessie and Meowth]: *gulps*
[Blacklight]: So, let’s get this interview started. The show’s called Villain Chat, so we’ll be talking a little bit about evil today. For each of you: what is the most evil thing you have ever done?
[Jessie]: Oh, that’s an easy one. I once robbed a town of all its beauty supplies. They were ugly for weeks.
[Jessie]: Oh, and you’ve done better?
[Blacklight]: Oh, Shadow once tried to crash a Space Colony into the planet, wiping out all life and destroying everything. And he’s the good guy here.
[Meowth]: That’s nothing. I once split a cookie with Jessie and James.
[Meowth] (smiles devilishly) And I took the biggest piece.
[Jessie]: I knew it!
[James]: You truly are an evil, evil Pokémon!
[Blacklight]: And what about you, James? What devilish secrets are you hiding?
[James]: (contemplates) Well… there was that time I stole a bottle cap from the twerps. They were storing it in a trash can for safe keeping.
[Blacklight]: *gasps* You collect bottle caps too!?
[Shadow]: I thought you said you watched their show. Wouldn’t you know that already?
[James]: (leaps up) Yes! They truly are my passion in life!
[Blacklight]: And they’re so shiny!
[James]: What’s your rarest cap?
[Blacklight]: Well, I still have the cap off of the limited edition 2001 10th Anniversary Chao Cola.
[James]: No way! Mine is a 1996 Soda Pop Red and Green Edition.
[Jessie]: (under breath) Oh boy, another nerd…
[Shadow]: (under breath) You have no idea…
[Meowth]: Weren’t we supposed to be talking about evil?
[Blacklight]: Shut up, we’re having a moment.
[Shadow]: Maybe you should just ask the next question.
[Blacklight]: Fine, fine. Next question. If each of you were a Sonic character, what species would you be, and what powers would you have?
[James]: Oh, you want my self-insert OC? I would be Howl the Wolf. As the name implies, I strike terror into my opponents with my hyper howl. Not only am I handsome, I’m one of the world’s most feared and successful thieves.
[Meowth]: Are you sure that’s a self-insert?
[Blacklight]: Do you think you can do better, Meowth?
[Meowth]: Well, obviously I’d be a cat. Not a cat like Big, but like Blaze. I guess that means fire powers and all.
[Blacklight]: Fire? Didn’t see that one coming. Wouldn’t you rather have, like, luck powers or something?
[Meowth]: Sure, I’ll take that too!
[Blacklight]: And that leaves Jessie.
[Jessie]: Um… wouldn’t I just be Jessie the Hedgehog, or something?
[Meowth]: You certainly have the hair for it…
[James]: Come on Jessie, put more effort into it! Be creative! You can do anything you want! Not to mention, a hedgehog is the least creative animal you could pick.
[Blacklight]: Yeah, there are too many hedgehog characters on the internet already!
[Blacklight]: Fine, be that way. What about you, Shadow?
[Blacklight]: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Another hedgehog? I expected better of you, Shadow. I suppose that’s all for that, then. And I believe we have time for one more question. So. I hear you guys are making a game. I want in.
[Meowth]: That’s not a question…
[Blacklight]: Yep. It’s a demand.
[James]: Blacklight… buddy… the thing is… we’re not making a game…
[Blacklight]: What!? Of course you are! Did you not take control of Pokémon Sol Version when you took the website?
[James]: Oh yeah… forgot about that… Well… how do I put this…?
[Jessie]: We’re not in the business of making crossovers!
[Blacklight]: Who says it has to be a crossover? I can just be a normal, average, everyday character!
[Meowth]: You? Normal?
[Shadow]: Wouldn’t you rather be in a Sonic game? Where your important backstory can actually matter?
[Blacklight]: I’d love to. Unfortunately, SEGA isn’t hiring OC’s at the moment. Trust me, I checked.
[Shadow]: What about a fan game?
[Blacklight]: Wait…is that a thing?
[James]: Sure it is! Just like there’s Pokémon ones! They can be a little… unsavory at times… but I’m sure you could find one to your liking.
[Mr. C]: (offscreen) I’m not making you a fan game.
[Blacklight]: You suuuuuuure?
[Mr. C]: (offscreen) *sighs* Let’s just take this one year at a time, please.
[Blacklight]: So, is me being in Sol Version still on the table?
[James]: I’ll tell you what, we’ll name an NPC after you.
[Blacklight]: D’awww, you’d do that for me? You’re a great bro, you know that?
[James]: *extends fist*
[Blacklight]: *fist bumps gleefully* Wait, wait, now I need to do something for you. *reaches back* I want you to have this, bro.
[James]: No way! A Chao Cola bottle cap!? These aren’t even available in my world!
[Shadow]: (on laptop) Hey, did you mean to leave Wobbuffet alone with your Breath of the Wild account?
[Jessie]: What!? No! I don’t want that blue blob getting me more lost than I already am! Wait, how do you know?
[Shadow]: It’s streaming the game on your website. I didn’t know you could do that with a tree branch…
[Meowth]: We better get back and put a stop to this.
[Blacklight]: Well, our time’s just about up, anyways. See you later, bro!
[James]: Wait, how do we-
[Blacklight]: Chaos Control!
[Shadow]: (still on laptop)
[Blacklight]: Care to…sign us off, Shadow?
[Shadow]: Not really.
[Blacklight]: You enjoy taking my fun away, don’t you?
[Shadow]: Not really.
[Blacklight]: Ugh, fine. If you have questions for Team Rocket, or anyone else who’s appeared on the show today, leave them in the comments below!