[Blacklight]: Thank you, thank you, and welcome back to Villain Chat! Now, while we’ll be doing a lot more than just this little talk show today, I thought I’d keep the theme going for now. So let’s kick things right off by introducing our next guest! Shadow, would you like to do the honors?
[Shadow]: It’s Eggman.
[Blacklight]: Oh, come on, you can do better than that! Put a little pizzazz into it! *clears throat* Our next guest, though notoriously difficult to get ahold of for interviews—
[Shadow]: He knocked on our door and begged on his hands and knees to be on the show.
[Blacklight]: *clears throat more forcefully* Our legendary guest has been duking it out as a Sonic villain for near-on thirty years now! He plays by his own rules and conquers the world with his own tools, he is the egg-shaped man with the master plan, the one, the only, Mustache Junior!
[Eggman]: Just call me Eggman.
[Blacklight]: Now, you guys remember the rules, right? I don’t want to hear about any sort of Empire versus Rebellion stuff. This is a war-free zone.
[Eggman]: But of course.
[Blacklight]: Great! So how’re you doing tonight, MJ?
[Eggman]: Quite well, thank you for asking. Always happy for a chance to address my many adoring fans.
[Blacklight]: Well then, let’s get started. Your name has become practically synonymous with the word “evil.” What’s it like, being one of the most famous fictional villains of all time?
[Eggman]: Oh, please, you flatter me. I just do what any good villain would do.
[Shadow]: You mean, mindlessly pursuing the destruction of your adversary without any concern for the fact that you’ve abandoned all other dreams and ideals within your life, unaware that you’ll be left with a meaningless existence if you should ever succeed?
[Eggman]: Ha! If only you knew my true motives… Heh heh heh…
[Blacklight]: Ooh, nice villainous chuckle. I need to work on mine. Whenever I try, I always end up breaking out into complete hysteria.
[Eggman]: Nothing wrong with that. It’s important to take ownership of your own evil laugh.
[Blacklight]: Good point. Ah ha ha ha ha!
[Eggman]: Oh ho ho!
[Blacklight]: AH HA HA HA HA!!
[Eggman]: OH HO HO!!
[Shadow]: What am I doing here…?
[Blacklight]: Oh, don’t be such a sourpuss. Your evil laugh isn’t so bad, you know.
[Shadow]: I do not have an evil laugh.
[Blacklight]: Don’t you? Roll the clip!
[Eggman]: Ooh, that’s a pretty good one, Shadow.
[Shadow]: Why do you have these clips pre-prepared? And WHY IS IT STILL PLAYING!?
[Blacklight]: It goes on for over ten minutes. And I have a wall full of these clips at home. I’ve been spying on you, remember?
[Shadow]: How could I forget…?
[Eggman]: Well, you should probably shut off that clip, now. I might get nightmares if it keeps up much longer…
[Blacklight]: Fine, fine. So let’s move on to our next question, then. As will become the tradition here on Villain Chat, I’d like to talk a little bit about the most recent episode of The Chaos Project. (Better pause what you’re doing and read it now, if you haven’t already.) In this case, that would be the Premiere episode of Season 2, featuring—spoiler alert!—the triumphant return of yours truly.
[Shadow]: For five minutes in an alternate timeline.
[Blacklight]: (gritting teeth) It still counts!
[Eggman]: I had quite a substantial role in this episode as well.
[Blacklight]: Exactly what I was getting ready to ask you about. A spotlight for Eggman has been rather rare in The Chaos Project. How’d it feel to finally stretch your legs again?
[Eggman]: Oh, it was so much more than that. Throughout the show, I’ve always been relegated this dark and serious emperor-of-the-world role, which certainly looks good on me, but it never really lets me show off my fun, humorous side. But for once, in this episode, the situation was so dark and depressing without my influence that I was actually able to provide some comic relief. And relieving it certainly was.
[Shadow]: I also got to drag you, bound and gagged, through the dirt. That was pretty fun.
[Eggman]: Well, sometimes a bit of humiliation is necessary to strike the right comedic balance.
[Blacklight]: Just don’t humiliate yourself too much. You don’t want to end up like Boom Eggman.
[Eggman]: Hey, don’t be so hard on the guy. Have you tried his evil ham?
[Blacklight]: Wait…are you saying that’s an actual thing? Like, that I can buy?
[Eggman]: Well, I believe it’s sold out now, but yes.
[Blacklight]: Hold on, I need to make a phone call.
[Shadow]: Wait, don’t…leave me alone with him…
[Eggman]: So…guess it’s just you and me now, eh, Shadow old buddy?
[Eggman]: So…why don’t you talk about your role in the episode?
[Shadow]: Oh. Well…this episode was certainly a very interesting one for me. Getting to work with Chaos again is always a pleasure, and for this one scene, they actually put three of me all in the same room. One of them was the hero, one of them was the villain, and the third had no idea what was going on. It was fun, but it was also very meaningful. I think it has the potential to take my character into some pretty interesting directions.
[Eggman]: I see. You should ask me a question, now.
[Shadow]: Okay, umm…
[Eggman]: Go on.
[Shadow]: No, I got nothing.
[Eggman]: Blacklight is right. You really are no fun.
[Blacklight]: Did someone say my name?
[Shadow and Eggman]: AHH!!
[Blacklight]: Why, yes, I would love to talk about my role in the episode. During my brief time on screen, I managed to show off a godly level of power never seen previously in Sonic history, wiping out all life on the face of the Earth. Then I manipulated Sonic and Shadow into fighting each other, killed them both anyways, and killed Eggman for good measure.
[Eggman]: Oh yeah. That part wasn’t as much fun…
[Shadow]: And suddenly, I don’t feel like such a monster anymore.
[Blacklight]: Welp, that’s all the time we have for this segment! MJ will have to be leaving now, but he’ll be back for our Q&A session at the end of the day! Don’t forget to leave your questions for him in the comments below!
[Eggman]: Leaving!? But I barely got to answer any questions!
[Blacklight]: Goodbye, Doctor.
[Eggman]: B-but I can stay and co-host with you guys! I can—
[Blacklight]: I said, goodbye, Doctor!
[Mr. C]: (offscreen) Blacklight, no, don’t—